Things I don’t wanna mothafuckin talk about:
- My mothafuckin acne
- How mothafuckin tired I look
- My mothafuckin future
- My mothafuckin eating habits
Things I DO wanna mothafuckin talk about:
- This mothafuckin SMILIN PIGGY IN A BLANKET:
LOOK AT HOW CUTE THAT LIL FUCKER IS. THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MOTHAFUCKIN MADE OF.
Tywin Lannister melting Ned Stark’s sword to Lannister steel while burning wolf pelts with the Rains of Castamere playing in the background before the intro tune even starts (◡‿◡✿)
Uh, you’re t. m.
— terribly mistaken,
because this umbrella has always belonged t. m.
— to me.
You were so perfect, and you deserved so much better.
Convo I just had with my dad
- Dad: hey I'm gonna go grocery shopping do you need anything?
- Me: uuuhhh....
- Me: contemplates wether or not I should ask him to get me pads since I need them desperately
- Dad: anything at all?
- Me: uh... Yeah.... Can you get me some pads
- Dad: Sure
- Me: Are you serious? Wouldn't you be embarrassed?
- Dad: Natalie, I'm a 56 year old man who has been buying pads for your mother for over 20 years. No I'm not embarrassed.
- Me: But I thought guys get squirmish when we ask them to buy this stuff for us
- Dad: boys are squirmish. Men will step out and buy you as many pads and tampons as you need. A man will understand that you cannot control your cycle and that this is a natural bodily process. So, if you ever find a guy who's too embarrassed to buy you pad just bleed on everything he owns.
- Me: OMG DAD
The american sex education system.
Why are you laughing at me